"പശു ‘കുരക്കുന്നു’..ബേ..ബേ"

“Hi Prasanth, whats up there in Guruvayoor??...you still visit temple na?”

“Yes man, ……………to pray………”

“Why are you specifying it?”

Ha ha ha ha… a group of 15 boys screaming, breaking the silence of college ground gallery. The lovers paired there under the shades of trees to discuss about the Iraq war were disturbed. They just turned their head around and saw a bunch of guys laughing with one boy standing in the middle who reminds you the joker of a circus.

“Oh..shit, those stupid mech guys again?? Don’t they have classes on??”

The couples were angry with us, especially girls. I don’t know why, may be we dint give them that much attention they deserved. Anyway, they went on with their personal discussions may be this time about the amount of sugar needed to make a perfect cup of tea.

Well, it’s time to introduce the man of the moment to you. Prasanth Netaji Pawar aka Pasu. Yes, that’s a Maraathi name and no need to worry he got nothing to do with MNS. He is from one of those Marathi families that came to Guruvayoor and settled there for many years. Untill he tells you that he is a Marathti you cant even imagine Prasanth is not Malayalee. He got everything a Malayalee boy supposed to have, may be something more. He got a long moustache, sandal on forehead and a tongue that speaks pure Malayalam. Actually I don’t believe a moustache and sandal have to be considered as a sign of Malayalee guy, since I lack both.

Pasu, of course that means Cow in Malayalam ,is a name that I cant ever forget. The credit for the first one to address Prasanth as Pasu goes to me. And Pasu got some horrible feeling for me in that case. What makes Pasu a different man are his overwhelming feeling for girls and the way he talks about them. If everything goes fine he will get married to a Marathi girl, but a Marathi girl is not the one Pasu dreamt of. He has this special feeling for Malayalee girls especially when their hair carries two or three kilos of Jasmine. I hate girls with jasmine on their hair. I always felt for jasmine . Jasmine surely deserves a better place provided jasmine is not from the same family of George Bush .

Aiswarya Rai [leave the bachchan crap alone] ,Kavya Madhavan,Sameera Reddy,Priyanka Chopra,Trisha,Riya Sen.. This is not the casting for the new multistar movie Fifty50 . Suppose Prasanth is asked to choose one of these girls, he will definitely go for Kavya Madhavan. Prasanth likes girls looking like Kavya, bit fat with lot of flesh indeed and traditional. If you ask me to choose, I will go for Trisha , I like tall and slim girls. If you are a boy you will definitely love to watch girls and if you are among your friends you cant resist yourself from having comments on her. But when Prasanth does this you feel the difference. It’s an action packed masala movie yar. He will have his hands moving in air to describe her various body parts and you will have a pure demonstration of how to use them.

Once we two were roaming around the town and we saw a very big house. I was wondering how the people inside that house find each other.

“Pasu, do they use their phones to call a person sitting in other room?” I was serious.

“Gopikuttan, When will you stop these PJs?” He giggled.

I know I was a huge reservoir of Poor Jokes (PJ) who waits to throw them at anybody whenever an opportunity is there. But can I live without them? I’m not sure.

“I mean the house is enormously huge”. I continued “I don’t think we need such a big house to live in, do you?”

“What’s your opinion about the need for an air station?”

I was actually not sure what I heard. Where the hell the air station came from? What it got to do with the bloody house?

“Huhhh???!!!”. I was honest. “What’s that?”

“It’s just like a space station”. He became talkative. “We can set a station hanging in air, which can be used to supply fuel for aircrafts. We don’t need to get the planes down on the airport to fill fuel.”

This time I was really irritated and realized that it’s his idea. I don’t know how such an idea hit his brain. Should I arrange an appointment with Sir Isaac Newton or throw an apple at his face?

I asked. “Dude, did anyone before asked you whether you are psychic or not?”

“No.”He was damn sure.

“Okay then I am the first one.” Yet another credit in my bag. I giggled. I think he enjoyed it and suddenly a new question landed on me.

“Aneesh, what kinda girl you gonna marry?”

“I don’t now”. I lied.

“I am older than you. You know that na?”. He seemed to be reminding me that he repeated the entrance exam and I did not.

“Yes…I know..only by one year na?” I dint want him to feel more matured than me.

“Listen to me. I have read the Kamasuthra and many like those. From my experience I’m warning you never marry a girl who studied outside Kerala.” He sighed like he has just delivered the Quantum theory.

“Why?”. I become more curious when the talk is about the Miss.beautiful devils.

“Most probably the thing will be broken”. He replied.

“What the thing?”. I was losing my patience.

“You can’t be so ignorant man”. That was too much for me.

He called me ignorant and that too in girls’ matter. You can’t intimidate me in a better way. I am doing this fucking research on girls for the last one decade and he says that I’m ignorant. How dare he?

“I don’t understand” Though self respect was overruled by curiosity.

“I mean, the seal will be broken. I have many friends there in places like Bangalore and Chennai. They used to tell the stories of girls and what they do there.” He explained.

I felt relieved. If that was the case, he was right. I was ignorant. I don’t have many friends over there to tell me such stories.

“You can’t judge a mass on the basis of one or two”. I argued.

“Trust me 3 out of 10 belong to that category”. He was sure with the data.”If you are lucky you will have one of those with you in a few years.”

30% is a great probability. Every Indian man wants his bride to be a virgin, at least by mentally. Why should I dig in to this crap? Anyway I’m not gonna marry anyone studied outside the state.

“Okay thanks daa, I will be careful. And by the way I heard you had treated Sarath, Aneeth and Vimal?” I desperately wanted to change the topic.

“Yeah.I did” he said casually.

“Then why did you spare me?” I complained.

Actually I was wondering how came this miser give a treat to them. He is the same Pasu who changed into vegetarian for the sake of saving money he had t spent on non veg items. He is the same Pasu who turns to be non vegetarian when we attend a marriage function; of course you need not to pay there. So I continued without waiting for his excuse.

“And how things went?”

“I took three of them to the canteen and bought one Sukhiyan , divided it into three and took their hunger away” he was so proud of him.

“Wow!! That’s great, so you’ve just beaten Jesus Christ”

“Somewhat”

We walked to college ground again. I was jealous about the three guys who walked 500meters to the canteen for that extravagant treat. At the ground every one was ready with bat and ball. The game started.

Pasu was batting well. Finding the gaps and leaving the ball regularly. He was feeling bit confident of his batting skill. But things were never the same ,Dijo came to bowl. Dijo is a 6’4” tall giant boy who just delivers the ball without a run up. The ball hits the pitch hard and bounces on to the batsman. I know Pasu was under danger. He survived the first two deliveries but the third one did hit him. It hit him at the right spot where all his dreams were sleeping. He just fell down on the ground and started to yell that he cant anymore add his biodata to any matrimonial site. I was wondering whether he can pee tonight. Pasu left the spot quickly and vanished in the college bus.

Next morning, I went to college expecting a pale face of Pasu which would look just like that famous squirrel who lost something. But what I saw there was a completely different Pasu from what I saw yesterday evening. He was cheering ,happily jumping in the air and so vibrant. At the site of me he ran to me and said,

“It’s working bro. I tested it twice. My engine is functioning!”

I desperately tried my face not to look like that squirrel from the shock of what my ears just caught.